A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead Walk Into a Bar....

Project Mayhem April 2004. There was a lot of saki involved, a low cut shirt and a game of spin the bottle in the middle of a restaurant. Through devious means and brilliant manipulation, my Wing Man managed to maneuver not only a hot and heavy make-out session between me and my crush but was also able to make him think it was his idea. Ladies and Gentlemen may I introduce to you- Ms. K. - hilarious, lovely, brilliant 6ft tall Texas redhead, my best friend and The Perfect Wing Man.
January 2009 Ms. K. is in town- and having got wind of my 100 dates plan, she’s loaded for bear.
You might think girls on the hunt would get dressed up in their cleavage baring, leg showing, tight dress finest; head out to the clubs to bump and grind against the suave men of SF. You might think we would spend our time running back and forth to the bathroom to check our makeup/discuss boys/plan our escape route…whatever. Indeed, we had planned on doing just that.
But we didn’t. We had spent all day wine tasting (and flirting with young cute vintners) and frankly were feeling a little lazy. Running around the mission in tight dresses and 4inch heals seemed like a little too much work.
Instead we met up with another friend- the beautiful and charming Ms. N and headed out to the local (and cheesetastic) watering hole. We set up shop on three stools smack dab in the middle of the bar, smiled at the bartender and ordered a drink practically served in a trough. It came with 3 straws, fruit and umbrellas.
Yes, it’s perfect.
Funny thing about being three girls sitting in the middle of a very crowded bar- you have direct access to the bartender.
Funny thing about having direct access to the bartender- everyone has to go through you to order drinks… EVERYONE.
If you have a 6ft redhead around, she’s not going to be upset about all the interruptions. She is going to make the most of it.
“Oh, do you need a drink? Sure you do, what do you need? The bartender and I are tight… 10 beers? Fantastic, but you have to do me a favor…Bartender 10 coronas for this guy- Thanks! Oh, that favors- What’s your name..? Joe Dude, this is my blonde friend- cute isn’t she?”
In the mean time I’m making small talk about nail polish with some girl who has also bellied up to the bar in an attempt at ordering for her table- totally oblivious to what’s going on behind me.
The Bartender hands me the 10 beers Ms. K has ordered for Joe Dude. “I didn’t order these…”
“Hi Blonde Friend- I’m Joe Dude…”
“Hi Joe…”
“Help me with these beers?” Smile, Wink.
Did he just wink at me?
I look at Ms. K- she’s talking to some Big Bald and Burly- I hear my name mentioned…She looks over and smiles. Trouble.
“So, the beer?”
“Oh sure- yeah here you go…”
“Thanks Blonde Friend.” Wink…
And as he walks away I think-Yeah he totally winked at me…twice…I look at Ms. K. She’s chatting up a group of guys who just walked in…
Then the bartender puts a fruit and umbrella drink in front of me- trough size…
“Oh I didn’t order this…”
“It’s for me… I’m Mr. Burly… Hi Blonde Friend…”

Mr. Burly got my number- on a bar napkin.

Girl alone at Bar....

My canceled date got back in contact- I know I was totally shocked too.
We made a date, he was very apologetic for canceling. He’s charming- I decided to give him another shot.

Date 5 Guy 5
So I’m sitting in a hookah bar- I’m a little early and I go ahead and order a beer. It’s a place I haven’t been before and I’m liking the sultry mid-east vibe. I’m liking the wall murals, I’m liking the bartender. I sit at the bar and think about how much I like this place and what a good choice he made- dim lights and candles, good music- not too loud but a good beat, casual atmosphere but just sexy enough to make anyone feel a bit adventurous. Great place for a first date.
What I’m not liking is that I’ve been sitting here by myself now for 20min.

He did say he’d be able to get there between 8 and 8:30 so I’m not worried (Ok, I’m a little worried) but I do glance at my phone- 8:20.
The bartender comes by again- smiles- asks if I need anything- no, I’m good- so she wanders off. There is a magazine on the stool next to me and I snag it- one of the “What’s going on in SF” things and I start to flip through it-I have 100 dates to go on this year so it’s research right? Really it’s just something to do while I kill time.
My beer is ½ finished.
I glance at my phone again- it’s 8:30.
The door into the bar opens- I glance up- it’s not him.
My beer is ¾ finished.
The bartender comes by again, smiles at me and asks if there is anything else.
I finish my beer, pay my tab, look at my phone one more time.
It’s 8:50 as I’m walking out the door.
I get home and my roommates are sitting in the living room- they ask why I’m looking so cute- I growl something unintelligible and go to my room- They are guys, they know not to delve any further into that mess.
I boot up my e-mail and see this.

“Definitely a bit late, but here. Sorry if I missed you. Will find a way to make it up You pick a date and time, and I’ll make it happen as best as I can. Sorry again about tonight :-(”

It came in at 8:56pm.
So this is what I'm thinking...You canceled- last minute, and now you didn’t show- ok you showed up late- and didn’t bother calling… You want to try this again?
No, I don’t think so.

Look, this is supposed to be fun....

Double booking is in theory- exciting- a little naughty, a little exciting, a little dangerous. In this theory you are wearing stiletto heals and a red dress. In theory you bat your eyelashes at one man only to leave them wanting more and arrive just a few minutes late for the next date only to have the wondering why you look a little flushed- naughty, fantastic, the stuff of a fem fatal.
Funny thing, theory.

Date 3, Guy 3
“Hi, it’s so nice to meet you! I love this bar, it’s a fantastic choice- have you been here before?”
“No.” (One word answer right off the bat- maybe he’s shy…?)
“I hear you’re a (insert relatively cool job here), have you always wanted that?”
“It’s steady and pays the bills.”
“Huh… and you have lots of opportunity to travel- you must enjoy that…?”
“I don’t travel much.”
45min later…
“Ok well thanks so much for the beer- it’s been great to get to know you (in theory) and hey- you got to explore a new bar!”
“Yeah, can I call you?”
Excuse me?
Ok Guy 3 these questions are designed to give you the opportunity to expand, tell stories, ask questions of your own- they are easy questions with answers like- “Nope, never been here but heard it was cool and has a great selection of beer... Funny thing about my job- I fell into it but I’m sticking with it for a while because… I’m a home body- love to explore the city/my apartment/my naval…something”
You are looking at me, making good eye-contact, you even checked out the cleavage- score one for the girls- and it’s not as though I’m asking you to do complex mathematics.

Help a girl out!

Date 4 Guy 4
So, I’m early to the next venue of the day- big surprise- and make myself comfortable in a corner booth where I’m easily seen from the front door- My makeup is perfect (because lord knows I’ve had enough time to touch it up between dates), I’m arranged to look sexy, mysterious yet casual, I take a deep breath, toss my blonde hair over my shoulder... In walks Wicked Hot.
Minor panic attack- he is actually even hotter than I thought.
And he is frowning.
Ok, no problem- maybe he isn’t really frowning…
Nope, he’s frowning. Crap.
“Hey! This place is great! Your suit is fantastic! I’m pleased to meet you! I’m smiling like an idiot and over expressing excitement in an attempt to hide the fact that I’m very uncomfortable!” Stop talking….
“So, I hear they have great house drinks! I see a waitress over there!”
Please stop talking…
At this point Wicked Hot is looking at me as though I’ve grown a second head.
He has also ordered a vodka- no mixers, no ice, just vodka.
“Wow! I’ve never been able to do that- drink just vodka before!”
Shut Up!
We stare at each other in painful silence for the 20 minutes it takes for us to get our drinks, drink them, and pay the bill.
“Well, thanks!” Ugh- still over expressing excitement…
“Just out of curiosity, what number am I?”
“What number?”
“What number on your goal of 100?”
“Oh! Your number 4!”
“Huh…”