Friday, December 4, 2009

Sugar on the Phone...



I’ve made a mistake.
Not entirely sure what it was, or when it happened, but as I stand here rolling out cookie dough and glaring at my cell phone I realize I’ve clearly made a mistake.
When actually calling someone you don’t expect to talk to them all that often so if you leave a message and don’t get a response right away it’s no big deal.
Yesterday I checked my voice mail. One from my mother and one from the lovely Ms. K... Ms. K will call back when she can and we will eventually catch up with each other- no sweat. My mom will call at some ungodly hour of the morning because she knows she will reach me (she’ll blame waking me up on the two hours time difference). I also had a call from my boss (“To delete, press 7”) and I have a missed call from my little brother (he doesn’t leave messages- ever) and I’ll call him back when he gets back from his business trip.
If you are seeing someone, and don’t have a message from them for a few days- it’s no big deal.
On the other hand, you may not know things aren’t going well for days.
When I didn’t ever text message it was easier.
My current mistake becomes strikingly apparent because we haven’t been communicating via phone, but via text. So when his text messages went from a “Hi! How are you?” with frequent responses back and forth every day to a brief response 24-48hrs after I’ve sent a question, unlike an un-returned phone call, problems becomes apparent very quickly.
Yep, something definitely happened.
Deep down, I suspect it’s something I’ve done (More serious than that polyester mini-dress I bought at H&M- and then lost the receipt for- trust me when I say that was a huge floral print mistake), but I couldn’t tell you what it was.
I find myself starting to make excuses… maybe his phone isn’t… well I’m sure he’s busy working on… aliens..?
But that doesn’t last long and I fall back on my ol’ stand by of “Well he’s just not interested…”
I still have that nagging feeling that it was something I did.
I’m left to wonder what it was.
In a somewhat rash “band-aid ripping” move, I delete his number.
After all, it wasn’t as though either one of us was looking to jump into a relationship… we were just enjoying each other’s company… If he wants to hang out, he still has my number. (Ms. K is- as usual appalled by this move and begs me to write it down somewhere before I hit delete).
I hate text messages.
(But just in case I’m wrong there are ten digits on a slip of paper in my Joy of Cooking)

Being Open...

This was written after two dates with Brave Guy 8.

Brave Guy 8 and I have had a few awkward moments at this point. I can’t figure out if it’s because I’m too shy, too closed off (we’ll leave that one alone for the moment) or he’s just super open.
The other day he asked me about other people I might be seeing, what other plans I had for the 100 dates and about date Guy 9 date 96 in particular.
I can only imagine the deer in headlights look I gave him.
Found myself looking for an escape rout…
I didn’t really know what to say- something slightly unintelligible came out of my mouth about keeping options open…
I absolutely didn’t want to talk about it.
He on the other hand, seemed completely comfortable with the topic- even mentioned the date he was going on a few nights later.
Cough... Sputter... Ok...
So I understand we aren’t in a committed relationship- and I’m all for honesty. I also understand that Brave Guy 8 doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea about what’s going on here and I respect that… but I’m not really sure I want to have it as a regular topic of conversation.
Is this denial? Is not wanting to talk about it going to come back and bite me in the ass? Is it sticking my head in the sand?
And what is he going to think when I change the subject every time he brings it up?

Things Left Un-Posted


My Posts have been crap lately.
After writing and re-writing and writing again I’ve been left with a series of unsatisfying blurbs- unsatisfying to write and unsatisfying to read.
I was on the phone yammering about baking cookies and my loathing of text messages when Ms. K finally called me on it.
“Why aren’t you writing about that?”
“Well things have changed I guess…”
“Sure, two people have started reading the blog- one you aren’t speaking to, the other…” In my head Ms. K is sitting on a couch, cozy sweater, perfect jeans, argyle socks, looking like she fell out of a J-Crew add. I can almost see her shrug her shoulders over the phone. “Besides, you always feel better when you write...”
She has a point.
So here are some things written, but left un-posted…

Thursday, December 3, 2009

99 Luftballons

Two farmer’s markets, a hockey game, a bar in Oakland, an evening of “Arrested Development”, 20 songs on a juke-box, another walk through Berkley, playing with pets, a questionable card game, the discovery of “Grout Puns” and an Iron Chef competition later (I now know how much winter squash can two people can eat), I’ve gone on dates 97, 98 and date 99 (I’ve been busy). So has Brave Guy 8.
I’m not sure any of the dates were intended to cover as much as they did (frankly I’m not sure either one of us figured we would go one more than one date together), but considering the fact that I had planned date 94 to be a quick trip to the Seward Slides- I’m hardly going to complain about hanging out with a fun and interesting guy more than once.
And I have one more date- as of yet unplanned- until I reach the illusive 100.
The more I think about it, the less I want to make it a big deal, after all, I had hoped to have come to some profound insight by this point.
I haven’t.
I had hoped to have found myself in a serious long term relationship.
Although there have been moments of potential over the past year, that hasn’t happened either.
I'm shockingly OK with the way things have turned out.
I have learned about parts of the city I might not have otherwise seen, discovered I enjoy going out, and realized I have some neurotic tendencies... I know that comes as a surprise.
As for Date 100- Ms. K thinks I should do something I’ve always wanted to do on a date (Sky Diving? Dinner in Paris? Underwater Basket weaving?). Although the possibilities are limitless, I can’t think of anything I’ve ever really wanted to do on a date.
Brave Guy 8 thought I should call up all previous dates and have one massive date hopping evening- he even said he’d play along with it- but frankly there were a few in the bunch best left back in the past.
Ms. R thought I should plan some sort of "Flash-Mob" date- frankly I'm not sure I'm cool enough for that but it could make an interesting YouTube video.
I'm open to other suggestions...
Now that I think about it "being open" could also be added to the list of things I've learned.